How Can I Stop Being a Perfectionist?

Ways to Overcome Perfectionism with RO-DBT

You may have heard about Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), what you may not know is there is another form of DBT therapy called RO-DBT focused more on helping those with over-control personalities.

One of the biggest differences highlighted by the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies between RO-DBT and DBT is how RO-DBT focuses most on external social signaling and DBT focuses on internal skills.

What is RO-DBT and Who is it for?

If you struggle with perfectionism, Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT) can support you in becoming more flexible, open, and emotionally connected to others. Dr. Katie Flanagan, a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and RO-DBT expert at UCEBT, explains that the therapy is designed “to help people activate their social safety system and reduce heightened defensive arousal. When we feel threatened, we often become rigid and suppress our emotions, which makes it difficult to connect with others.” 

RO-DBT may be the right fit for you if you struggle with:

• Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD): characterized by intrusive, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental acts (compulsions) aimed at reducing distress.
• Chronic Depression: includes persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and loss of interest.
• Treatment-Resistant Anxiety: Anxiety that remains unresolved despite previous therapeutic interventions.
• Anorexia Nervosa (Restrictive Type): Involving excessive control over eating behaviors, often linked to perfectionism and emotional restraint.
• Avoidant Personality Disorder: Marked by social withdrawal, feelings of inadequacy, and fear of rejection.
• Autism Spectrum Disorders: presents unique social, behavioral, and sensory processing challenges.
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) with Over-Control Traits: Trauma response developed after a traumatic event, causing flashbacks, nightmares, and heightened anxiety

These conditions share traits of over-control, making RO-DBT an effective approach for equipping patients with practical skills to overcome challenges. By practicing these skills, you can learn to take risks, express your feelings, and connect with others without fear of being judged.

Practicing RO-DBT Skills at Home – Using Big 3 Plus 1

One of the key ways RO-DBT helps is by teaching skills that help you engage more actively in interactions with others. A simple and effective technique is called the “Big 3 Plus 1,” which you can practice at home or anywhere. Here’s how it works:

One: Lean Back

• Instead of sitting stiffly or tensely, lean back in your chair in a relaxed way. This posture helps signal calmness and openness to your brain and others around you.

Two: Take a Deep Breath

• Breathe deeply from your belly, not just your chest. Think of it as a slow sigh of contentment, which helps activate the part of your brain responsible for feeling safe and connected.

Three: Soft Smile

• Make a small smile with your lips closed. Let the sides of your mouth turn up gently, and aim for a natural expression of warmth.

Plus One: Eyebrow Wag

• Raise and lower your eyebrows subtly. This may feel silly at first, but it’s a universal sign of openness and friendliness. It helps signal to others that you’re approachable and ready to connect.

Practicing the “Big 3 Plus 1” regularly can help you feel more relaxed and socially connected, even in stressful situations.

How to Stop Being Controlling with RO-DBT

RO-DBT encourages you to embrace flexibility by trying new things and taking small risks. For example:

• Say yes to a new activity, even if you’re unsure how it will go.
• Let yourself show vulnerability by sharing your feelings with someone you trust.
• Give yourself permission to make mistakes and learn from them instead of striving for perfection.

By incorporating these strategies, RO-DBT helps perfectionists enjoy a richer, more connected life. If you are interested in learning more about the benefits and successes of RO-DBT, visit Radically Open, RO-DBT’s credited developer as a resource to decide if it is the right fit for you.

Final Thoughts

Overcoming perfectionism is a journey that requires time and practice, but it’s absolutely achievable. By learning to embrace flexibility, take risks, and let go of rigid control, you can reduce stress and build deeper connections. If perfectionism is holding you back, consider exploring RO-DBT as a supportive and effective way to create a more balanced and fulfilling life.