How DBT Can Help You Build Better Relationships

Originally developed to treat individuals with emotional dysregulation, DBT has proven incredibly effective in improving interpersonal relationships. With its focus on mindfulness, emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness, DBT provides practical tools to help individuals connect with others in healthier, more meaningful ways. Here’s how DBT can help you build stronger, more resilient relationships: 

Understanding DBT’s Role in Building Better Relationships 

At its core, DBT focuses on balance—between acceptance and change, emotions and logic, and individuality and connection. This balance is key to fostering healthy relationships. Through DBT skills training, individuals learn how to: 

• Manage emotional responses that may otherwise lead to conflict. 

• Communicate needs effectively without damaging the relationship. 

• Maintain self-respect while navigating difficult conversations. 

By addressing these areas, DBT equips people to handle the complexities of human connection with greater clarity and empathy. 

Key DBT Skills for Healthier Relationships 

One large component of DBT is the use of a variety of psychological skills. There are tons of skills in DBT and, in therapy, you work with your therapist to determine which skills work best for you and your unique situations. If you’re interested, you can also learn these skills on your own through our online DBT skills course.

Mindfulness: Being Present in the Moment 

Mindfulness is the foundation of DBT. In relationships, mindfulness means being fully present, actively listening, and responding intentionally rather than reacting impulsively. This skill helps individuals focus on the current interaction rather than dwelling on past arguments or future worries. 

Example: Imagine you’re having a disagreement with a friend. Instead of jumping to conclusions or getting defensive, mindfulness allows you to truly listen to their perspective, understand their feelings, and respond thoughtfully. 

Actionable Tip: Practice mindfulness in your next conversation. Focus on the person speaking, avoid interrupting, and observe your emotional reactions without judgment. 

Interpersonal Effectiveness: Balancing Needs and Relationships 

Interpersonal effectiveness skills are designed to help individuals communicate their needs while maintaining respect for themselves and the other person. DBT teaches three primary strategies: 

• DEAR MAN: A framework for asserting your needs effectively (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate). 

• GIVE: Skills for nurturing relationships (Be Gentle, Act Interested, Validate, and Maintain an Easy manner). 

• FAST: Techniques for maintaining self-respect (Be Fair, Avoid Apologizing unnecessarily, Stick to values, and Be Truthful). 

Example: If you feel overwhelmed at work and need support, using the DEAR MAN technique might look like this: 

• Describe: “I’ve been managing a lot of projects lately.” 

• Express: “I’m feeling really stressed and could use some help.” 

• Assert: “Could we divide some tasks to lighten the load?” 
• Reinforce: “If we share the work, I think we’ll meet our deadlines more effectively.” 

Emotional Regulation: Managing Intense Emotions 

Strong emotions can easily disrupt relationships, leading to miscommunication or unintended conflict. DBT’s emotional regulation skills teach individuals how to identify, understand, and manage their emotions before they escalate. 

Example: When feeling angry during an argument, someone using emotional regulation skills might pause to identify the root cause of their frustration and choose to respond calmly rather than yelling. 

Actionable Tip: When you notice an intense emotion arising, take a moment to breathe deeply, label the emotion, and ask yourself, “What action would be most effective in this situation?” 

Distress Tolerance: Staying Calm in Tough Moments 

DBT’s distress tolerance skills are particularly helpful in managing relationship conflicts. These skills provide strategies to remain calm and avoid impulsive reactions when emotions are high. Techniques such as the TIPP skill (Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, and Paired muscle relaxation) can quickly de-escalate emotional distress. 

Why DBT Stands Out With Supporting Relationships 

Unlike other therapies that may focus solely on thought patterns or emotional responses, DBT combines these elements with actionable, practical tools that can be applied in real-time. Its structured approach helps individuals develop lifelong habits for healthier relationships, making it a transformative choice for those seeking to improve their interpersonal connections and relationships. 

Additionally, DBT’s emphasis on both acceptance and change ensures that individuals learn to value themselves while working toward better interactions with others. This dual focus creates a sense of empowerment and growth that is essential for lasting relationship success. 

Conclusion: Try DBT As Your First Step Toward Better Relationships 

Building healthier relationships starts with small, intentional steps. By incorporating DBT skills like mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance, you can create more balanced and meaningful connections in your life. 

Consider working with one of our fabulous DBT therapists or enrolling in our online DBT skills course to integrate these skills into your daily life. The tools you gain can make all the difference in strengthening your relationships and fostering greater understanding with those around you.