Have you ever felt like different parts of you are pulling in opposite directions? Maybe one part of you wants to relax, but another part insists you should be productive. You could feel overwhelmed by emotions, while another part tells you to “just get over it.”
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy model, taught to therapists through the IFS Institute, that helps people understand these inner conflicts, find balance, and develop self-compassion despite feeling pulled in a million directions. Contrary to popular belief, IFS is not a family therapy and is primarily used for individual therapy. While it was originally developed for therapists, IFS can benefit anyone looking for emotional clarity and healing.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach that views the mind as made up of different “parts,” each with its own thoughts, emotions, and roles. Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, IFS helps individuals understand and visualize these inner parts, especially those that carry emotional wounds and are in need of healing.
Instead of trying to suppress difficult thoughts or feelings, IFS encourages curiosity and self-compassion, allowing people to work with their inner world rather than against it. At the center of IFS is the concept of the Self, a calm, wise, and compassionate core that can lead with clarity. By strengthening the Self’s leadership, individuals can help their protective parts (like inner critics or avoidant tendencies) relax and create space for healing. IFS is used for a wide range of emotional challenges, from anxiety and trauma to everyday stress, helping people develop greater self-awareness and inner harmony.
IFS sees the mind as made up of different subpersonalities, or “parts.” Each part has a specific role and exists to help us—though sometimes they can cause stress or conflict with each other.
1. Managers: Keeping Life in Order
These parts work hard to keep us functioning in daily life. They help us stay organized, productive, and responsible, but they can also become perfectionistic or overly critical.
2. Firefighters: Protecting Us from Pain
Firefighters step in when we feel overwhelmed. They try to distract or numb us from emotional pain through behaviors like overeating, overworking, or substance use. While their goal is protection, their methods aren’t always healthy.
3. Exiles: Carrying Our Deep Wounds
Exiles hold our painful memories, insecurities, and fears. Because their emotions can be intense, our managers and firefighters work hard to keep them hidden. However, true healing comes when we can gently reconnect with and support these parts.
IFS also teaches that beneath all of our parts, there is a calm, compassionate core called the “Self.” This is the part of us that can lead with wisdom, balance, and kindness. IFS focused therapy focuses on strengthening this “Self”, to manage internal conflict.
When we are in Self, we experience qualities like:
The goal of IFS therapy is to help our Self lead, rather than letting our parts take control.
IFS helps us move from self-criticism to self-compassion. By understanding why our parts act the way they do, we can work with them instead of against them.’
Many of us push through stress without realizing we’re heading toward burnout. IFS helps us check in with our parts and ask:
Understanding these dynamics allows us to make healthier choices. As Radha Moldover, LCSW, a current IFS Therapist at UCEBT says in a recent training for therapists on Using IFS Techniques to Address Burnout: “The goal of IFS therapy is to restructure the internal system or family to be cooperative and harmonious and not in reactive polarization of the subpersonalities.” The core aim of IFS is for individuals to create harmony through balancing their parts, with more balance internally, burnout and stress are more easily managed and addressed.
IFS is especially helpful when we feel torn between competing needs. Instead of feeling stuck, we can have a conversation with our parts to find a balanced solution.
Think of a situation that recently triggered a strong reaction in you. Maybe you got really frustrated at work, felt anxious about a decision, or found yourself avoiding something important.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ask yourself:
Rather than judging your response, just listen.
If you notice a critical or stressed-out part, try offering it kindness:
Over time, this practice can build a stronger connection with your Self and a deeper understanding of all the working parts that make you, you!
IFS is a powerful approach that teaches us to relate to ourselves with compassion rather than judgment. By understanding our parts and connecting with our Self, we can move through life with more clarity, balance, and peace.
The next time you notice an inner struggle, pause and ask: “What part of me is speaking right now?” This simple question can be the first step toward important healing and self-discovery that comes with IFS.
If you’d like to explore IFS further, here are some great starting points to learn more:
If you are interested in learning more and starting your IFS therapy journey, UCEBT is here to help! Connecting with one of our IFS specialized therapists can be a great way to build understanding of your Self and practice the beneficial thinking skills taught in IFS therapy.
In this guided exercise, you’ll be invited to turn inward—away from external distractions and into a space of self-discovery. Through breathwork and guided visualization, you’ll explore your emotional reactions to others and deepen your understanding of the protective parts of yourself that arise in response.
Using concepts from Internal Family Systems (IFS), this practice will help you cultivate curiosity, compassion, and a deeper connection with the parts of you that seek to protect and guide you. Instead of resisting difficult emotions, you’ll learn to listen to them, understand their purpose, and gently engage in self-inquiry.
Start with a free consultation to ask questions and see if IFS is a good fit for you.
The unique mission of UCEBT is to improve the quality of mental health care by enhancing access to comprehensive evidence-based treatments, evaluations, and testing.
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