At the end of last year, we sent a poll to mental health professionals in our community to determine which continuing education (CE) topics you’d like to see from us in 2023. One of the most requested topics was regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).

We are excited to present our upcoming CE presentation, “Dissociative Identity Disorder Diagnosis in Adolescents and Young Adults”!

This presentation will address barriers to accurate DID diagnosis, including limitations in research on BIPOC and minority populations, tools to support DID assessment that address potential malingering, and strategies for communicating case conceptualizations to clients, who may have a strong attachment to a DID diagnosis.This talk will also provide a brief overview of evidence-based intervention for individuals with DID and individuals with traits of dissociation, but who do not necessarily fit a DID diagnosis.

Presented by Laura Rowley, Ph.D. from UCEBT and Triona McMaster, LCSW from Life Stone Counseling Centers.

Date: Friday, May 19, 2023
Time: 10:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. MST
Location: Virtual, via Zoom
Cost: Free to attend or $40.00 for 2.0 CEs
CEs: 2.0 CEs pending approval by UPA, NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA

Register to attend for FREE

Register for $40 and receive 2.0 CE units

Home-Study Option: If you want to receive asynchronous CE credit for this event, make sure you sign up for our mailing list when you register. Within 2 weeks following the event, we'll email you the information for purchasing the home-study version of this presentation for only $20.

We look forward to seeing you there!

We are so excited to share that we won Best of State in two categories!!!

• Community Development: Mental Health Services
• Education: Mental Health Education

The Best of State awards are different than other types of awards. Best of State is not a popularity contest. Our nominations were reviewed by a panel of judges who judge us based on the following criteria:

• Overall excellence, superiority and quality of a nominee's products, services or performance;
• Creativity which nominees display to differentiate themselves from their competition; and,
• Nominee's accomplishments to improve the quality of life in their community and state, and their efforts to make the world a better place.

There are different panels of judges for each of the ten divisions. Judges are selected from all over Utah and volunteer their time to review and score applications. Each judge has been recommended by a Utah Chamber of Commerce, an industry association, or a Utah mayor's office, as being a leader or expert in their particular field.

We are so grateful to be honored for our contributions to mental health in education and in our community.

What kind of CE offerings are available?

We have several CE offerings available: (1) live CE events for which you must register/pay ahead of time and (2) home-study CE courses that you enroll in before moving through the material.

What are our requirements for receiving CEs?
Because of the requirements from the accrediting organizations (APA, UPA, NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA), we have to follow a few protocols:

Live/Virtual CE Events:

• We must track people's attendance for live events (which is why you must pre-register)
• Your Zoom display name must match the name on your CE certificate
• You must attend the event in its entirety (email with questions)
• You must complete the post-event Program Evaluation forms to let us know the name on your CE certificate

Home-study CEs

• We have to track watch time to ensure your attention to the content
• You also have to take a post-test on the material with over 70% correct answers

How do you receive your CE certificate?
For live/virtual CE events, you receive your certificate in the body of an email after (1) you've completed the Program Evaluation and (2) your attendance has been verified.

For home-study CEs, you will receive your certificate in your student dashboard after successful completion of both viewing the recording and passing the post-test.

Where is the Program Evaluation form for the live/virtual events?
If you've registered to receive CE credit, you will find a link to the Program Evaluation form in the same email that contains the Zoom join link for the event. You should receive 2-3 reminder emails with these links prior to the event. If you did not receive this email, you may have mistyped your email address in the registration. Please email if you suspect that may be the case.

How can I stay up to date on upcoming events?
To stay up to date on all scheduled events, please CLICK HERE (and scroll down) to sign up for our mailing list. This particular list is specific to mental health professionals. 

Which organizations have been approved for CEUs?
UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. UCEBT trainings also provide CE credit through National Association of Social Workers, Utah Chapter (NASW-UT), Utah Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (UAMFT), and Utah Mental Health Counselor Association (UMHCA). 

What do the CE fees go toward?
100% of the proceeds from these events directly supports pro bono and sliding scale services at UCEBT.

Who can I contact for questions about events?
For all questions regarding events, please contact our Outreach and Marketing Manager at . 

Can I request a speaker/training/consultation?
Yes! Our clinicians love to provide presentations, trainings, and consultation for organizations and companies outside of UCEBT. For more information about these services, please click here. To request a speaker, training, or consultation, please complete this form.

You can view these presentations for free or take these courses as for home-study continuing education credit, below:

Embracing Neurodiversity: Strengths-Based Approaches for Autism in Clinical Practice 

Taught by Laura Rowley, Ph.D. |  3.0 CE units (1 ethics, 2 general) approved by UPA, NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study credit. Additionally, UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. Purchase this course ($45) 160 minutes

Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy: Latest Research, Mechanisms, and Best Practices in Clinical Applications

Taught by Shelle Welty, Psy.D. and Tammy Clouston, LCSW |  2.0 CE units approved by NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study credit. Additionally, UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. Purchase this course ($30) 120 minutes

Breaking the Silence about Sex: How to Talk to Your Clients About Sex, Sexual Health, and Sexual Concerns

Taught by Whitney Standal Schollars, PsyD |  2.0 CE units approved by NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study credit. Additionally, UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. Purchase this course ($30) 120 minutes

Beyond the Surface: A Clinician's Toolkit for Dementia Recognition and Intervention

Taught by Nicholas Schollars, PsyD |  2.0 CE units approved by NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study credit. Additionally, UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. Purchase this course ($30) 120 minutes

Clinician-Parent Relationship: Effective Practices for Supporting Parent Engagement and Communication

Taught by Kandice Benallie, Ph.D. |  1.0 CE units approved by NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study credit. Additionally, UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. Purchase this course ($15) 60 minutes

RODBT vs. DBT: Choosing the Most Effective Approach for Your Clients

Taught by Katie Flanagan, Psy.D. and Jessica Flynn, Ph.D., C. Psych. |  2.0 CE units approved by NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study credit. Additionally, UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. Purchase this course ($30) 120 minutes

Culturally-Specific Contextualism in Evidence-Based Treatments

Taught by Kimberly Applewhite, Psy.D. |  2.0 CE units approved by NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study credit. Additionally, UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. Purchase this course ($30) 120 minutes

Introduction to Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)

Taught by Kalee Gross, Psy.D. |  1.0 CE unit approved by NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study credit. Additionally, UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. Purchase this course ($15) 60 minutes

Ethical Guidelines for Supervisory Competence: From Theory to Practice

Taught by Robin Lange, Ph.D. and Rachel Hopkins, Psy.D. |  2.0 CE Ethics units approved by UPA, NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study credit. Additionally, UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. Purchase this course ($30) 120 minutes

Using ACT and Internal Family Systems (IFS) to Address Burnout and Compassion Fatigue

Taught by Jordan Kugler, Ph.D., Radha Moldover, LCSW, Rachel Hopkins, Psy.D. |  2.0 CE units approved by NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study credit. Additionally, UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. Purchase this course ($30) 120 minutes

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) Diagnosis in Adolescents and Young Adults

Taught by Laura Rowley, Ph.D.and Triona McMaster, LCSW  |  2.0 CE units approved by NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study credit. Additionally, UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. Purchase this course ($30)120 minutes

5 Myths About Psychodynamic Therapy

Taught by Nick Schollars PsyD  |  2.0 CE units approved by NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study credit. Purchase this course ($30) 120 minutes

"Tik-Tok Made Me Think I Had ADHD": What Clinicians Should Know About Their Ethical Obligations in Client Self-Diagnosis

Taught byLaura Rowley, Ph.D.| 1.0 Ethics CE units approved by UPA, NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA for home-study creditPurchase this course ($25) 60 minutes

Thank you for your interest in attending our events! 100% of the proceeds from these events directly supports pro bono and sliding scale services at UCEBT.  Further, UCEBT is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. UCEBT maintains responsibility for this program and its content. UCEBT trainings also provide CE credit through NASW-UT, UAMFT, and UMHCA. Stay notified of all UCEBT's upcoming CE events by joining our email list.

The Power of Pleasure: Exploring the Healing Potential of Pleasure-Driven Lives
Presented by Stephanie Taylor, Ph.D. and Heather Hill, MS, OTR/L
Friday, October 4, 10am - 12pm MST
Virtual, via Zoom
Register for free without CEs
Register for $40 for 2 CEs

More about UCEBT's trainings and events:

Click here to view the recordings all of our past events on YouTube.

Click here to check out the home-study versions of our 2023 events.

We've hosted 31 Continuing Education events since 2020! The net profits from our events go directly towards supporting pro bono and sliding scale services at UCEBT. Thank you for supporting UCEBT as we continue to provide exceptional clinical care and disseminate quality standards via training, research, and provision of expert consultation. Stay notified of all UCEBT's upcoming CE events by joining our email list.

Click on the title to watch the recording:

• 5 Myths About Psychodynamic Therapy
• ACT Mindfully: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with Children & Adolescents 
• Back-to-School Playbook: Evidence-Based Strategies for Helping Neurodivergent Kids and Teens Succeed 
• Beyond the Surface: A Clinician's Toolkit for Dementia Recognition and Intervention
• Breaking The Silence About Sex: How to Talk to Your Clients About Sex, Sexual Health, and Sexual Concerns
• Building Commitment for Challenging Treatments: Adaptable Elements of DBT Pretreatment for Trauma Focused Interventions 
• Calm & Confident Approaches to Assessing Self Harm & Suicidality: Best Practices for Risk and Liability Management 
  
• Clinician-Parent Relationship: Effective Practices for Supporting Parent Engagement and Communication
• Culturally-Specific Contextualism in Evidence-Based Treatments: Enhancing Outcomes for BIPOC
• Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) Diagnosis in Adolescents and Young Adults
• Ethical Guidelines for Therapist Supervisory Competence: From Theory to Practice
• Embracing Neurodiversity: Strengths-Based Approaches for Autism in Clinical Practice
• Holding Space for Pride: Best Practices in Intersectional LGBTQ+ Affirmative Care 
• Introduction to Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)
• Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy: Latest Research, Mechanisms, and Best Practices in Clinical Applications
• Missed Diagnosis or Misdiagnosis? Population Considerations and Clinical Comorbidities Contributing to Delayed Diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder 
• Navigating Race and Racism: Future Frontiers of Evidence-Based Cultural Competence in Clinical Care 
• Parent-Adolescent Relationships: Factors Contributing to the Changing Relationship and Ways Parents Can Improve the Relationship 
• Resilience Among Latinx Immigrant Families, COVID-19 Challenges, and Clinical Recommendations 
• Risk Assessment and Crisis Intervention for Suicidal Adolescents: Practice Guidelines for Telehealth Services during the COVID-19 Pandemic 
• RODBT vs. DBT: Choosing the Most Effective Approach for Your Clients
• Social Media: Risks and Benefits for Mental Health 
• Spirit of Motivational Interviewing: Connections to Help Foster Compassion for Clients, Decrease Burnout for Clinicians, and Improve Motivation in the Face of Ambivalence 
• Stand for Izzy: Best Practice for Intersectionality of Race, Neurodiversity, and Bullying in Suicide Prevention 
• TikTok Made Me Think I Have ADHD: What Clinicians Should Know About Their Ethical Obligations in Client Self-Diagnosis 
• Under the Banner of Trauma: What Traditional Conceptualizations Miss 
• Understanding the Risks of Trauma Exposure and Increasing Resilience in Graduate Students 
• Using ACT and Internal Family Systems Techniques to Address Burnout and Compassion Fatigue
• Vicarious Resilience: Learning from and Growing with our Clients 
• Walking the Tightrope: Best Practices and Ethics for Treating Suicidal Patients 
• Working with Narcissism: Caring for Our Clients and Ourselves 
• Working with Transgender and Gender Expansive Youth 

We have a new 12-week virtual group starting April 6, 2023! This group uses the evidence-based therapy approach Skills Training in Affect and Interpersonal Regulation (STAIR) for individuals currently experiencing distress from trauma. Taught by Cristina Chévere-Rivera, Psy.D. and Stephanie Taylor, Ph.D., this group is geared toward adults who are currently in therapy or who are transitioning out of therapy. REGISTER HERE.

At the end of these 12-weeks, you will have:

• Enhanced coping skills to navigate distress and regulate difficult emotions. 
• The skills to make decisions based on important values instead of being emotionally driven.  
• Healthy ways of relating across social, professional, and personal contexts. 

Through this group, you will also learn:

• How to have increased emotional awareness. 
• How the interconnection of body, thoughts, and behaviors can impact your life.
• What self-compassion is and how you can use it to help yourself in challenging situations.

REGISTER HERE

This virtual group meets every Thursday for 12-weeks and begins on Thursday, April 6th from 4:00 - 5:30 p.m. MST. The cost is $65/weekly session.

Here's the link to the webpage: https://www.ucebt.com/emotional-pain

We sat down with one of UCEBT's couples specialists, Dr. Stephanie Taylor, to ask about conflict in relationships. What's it all about? Why is it important? How can it be managed? Read along in part 3 of this three part series to see what Dr. Taylor says about the role of conflict in relationships. 

Continuing on from the previous post, here are the remaining two of the four types of conflict:

#3. Contempt

This is a big one. This is a single best predictor of divorce. Contempt is almost like a form of disrespect. It is different than criticism. It's almost like criticism from a high horse. There's a feeling of superiority. You're coming at it in a little bit of a condescending way, talking down to your partner as if you're smarter, cleaner, and more punctual and more capable in some way. And it can often include name calling, too. 

So, for example,”Geez, why are you so needy that everything you do has to be acknowledged in some way?” 

If not contempt, what are these successful partners doing?

Successful partners are coming at it from a place of respect and being proud of those we love. It's creating a culture of appreciation within the relationship, saying thank you for the small things or acknowledging them in some way. “Thank you for taking out the trash”. “Thank you for helping the kids with their homework.” “I listened to you reading to the kids last night, and that was really great.”

It's communicating affection, respect, and it's something that partners might need to work on. Being able to create that, you've got to shift your perspective. You've got to build a different habit of mind.

Instead of scanning the environment for things to criticize, you, then start to pay attention for things you can appreciate. And that shift can be monumental. And I mean that not just in a romantic relationship. There's a lot of research behind shifting that into parent-child interactions. That can be huge when you start to look for things to appreciate as opposed to things to be upset over. 

#4. Stonewalling

This is emotional withdrawal from conflict. 

Normally, when two people are talking, the listener gives some obvious signs. They're listening, they're looking at the speaker, they have open body language. Facial expressions are reactive and relevant, maybe some grunts or noises that in response, these are all signals to make us feel like we're being listened to. 

The Stonewall does not do this. They've shut down internally. You can see that externally with their body language: they might have their arms folded over them protectively, physically turning away from the speaker, avoiding eye contact. No signs of acknowledgement. Nothing. And guess what that ends up doing to the speaker? It makes them want to speak even louder.

They might come on stronger. They're going to be a little bit more aggressive because it doesn't feel like they're being listened to or heard, which is just going to then create this bad cycle of shutting down even more. And pretty soon you've got a full-blown war in the kitchen. 

So it's really important when you notice that to immediately shift gears, whether that's taking a break from each other, whether that's trying to come at your partner with a little bit more affection and trying to help decrease that physiological arousal, whatever that looks like.

The Gottmans suggest taking a break that shouldn't be less than 30 minutes, but it shouldn't be more than 24 hours. And they also strongly recommend not thinking about the fight during that time. So kind of just complete distraction, avoidance and then coming back and trying again. 

I think it's also interesting that a lot of Gottman therapists will have their couples hooked up to some type of biofeedback where they can measure the physiological response of when their heart rates go over 100 beats per minute. They usually set as an alarm and that can help the other partner start to recognize when that's happening. 

How do you build more love into the relationship?

Get an idea of your partner's internal world, moving into sharing fondness and admiration, where you can express appreciation and respect, really trying to strengthen those bonds. Turning toward not away. I think it's human nature when you sense distance to create more distance as a protective piece, but really being able to do the opposite of that. 

Having courage to turn inward. Looking at the positive perspective. Making sure you're an advocate for your partner and helping enable them to do what it is they see as their life's purpose, and then be able to create shared meaning together. 

We sat down with one of UCEBT's couples specialists, Dr. Stephanie Taylor, to ask about conflict in relationships. What's it all about? Why is it important? How can it be managed? Read along in part 2 of this three part series to see what Dr. Taylor says about the role of conflict in relationships.

Is the goal just to eliminate negativity?

The goal in therapy with our couples is not to eliminate the negativity. It's tempting to declare war on negativity, but negativity can be very productive in relationships. Those are the things that sort of highlight stuff that doesn't work for a partner. It can be very informative. You hurt your partner's feelings; you learn something. You talk about how to do that better next time. 

The goal here is not to have a relationship where there isn't any negativity because one, that's an impossible goal setting up for failure. And two, it's the negativity that counts. We just want to make it less. We want to make it more manageable, and we want to make it a bit more constructive. 

Think about that cycle within relationships: you have a disagreement that creates temporary distance and then when you're able to repair things, that brings the partners back together in a meaningful way. So there is a lot of growth in this cycle or this process that typically happens with this dance that partners get into.

As long as it's handled with softness, with some grace, you don't want to get rid of the anger or the sadness. We want to look at all emotions as helpful. 

So what exactly is “negativity” in relationships?

Gottman was curious if all negative aspects are created equally. And the answer is no. There are some negative pieces that are much more corrosive and damaging to relationships. 

In fact, they found four types of negativity, especially present in those couples that were headed towards divorce. And they really do tend to show up a lot when a couple is in conflict. 

With these four pieces, they found that successful couples who are able to have a problem, are able to separate that problem from themselves and from the relationship. And if anything, it becomes its own entity. This problem is almost a threat to the relationship as a whole. The unsuccessful couples are not able to separate that.

#1. Criticism

You can kind of think of criticism as a way of complaining that suggests there is something wrong with your partner. Your partner is defective in some way and there is a constructive way to complain in relationships and it does not involve criticism. 

Successful partners, they're still complaining, but they're talking about themselves, what they need, they're not attacking. So, for example, you have a partner that comes home and you've spent all afternoon cleaning and the partner didn't notice. So you say something like, “Hello, look at all this work that I did. You didn't even notice. I need some kind of acknowledgement. Otherwise, I end up feeling pretty underappreciated.” So that's me talking about myself, what I feel, what I need. 

Criticism, on the other hand, would be: “You come home from work, you look around, you don't say anything about what I've been doing all afternoon. What is wrong with you?” Any time you're hearing that, what is wrong with you statement, that is the epitome of criticism. It's basically pointing out a symptom of your partner's defect. So we want to stay away from that. 

#2. Defensiveness

If you feel like you're being attacked, you're going to want to kind of ward off that attack and you're going to get a little bit defensive. And what they found is there are two types of defensiveness behaviors: There's righteous indignation and innocent victim. 

Righteous indignation would be attacking back. You meet a complaint with a counter complaint. “Well, you didn't notice that time. I cleaned the house all afternoon three and a half months ago.” 

The innocent victim would be a little bit more like a whining approach: “I did notice. I thought it was obvious. I appreciated it.” 

How do partners in successful relationships handle criticism or complaints?

The alternative to defensiveness is listening and accepting responsibility. And I think this last piece might be particularly challenging. Accepting responsibility is not necessarily saying “I'm wrong. You're right.” You can accept responsibility over something very small; that can go a long way in a partnership. So, for example, the partner comes home and says, “You know, you're right. I was in my head over things that were happening at work. I was not paying attention to the house when I walked in. I absolutely appreciate the time you spent cleaning.” 

Read on for Part 3 of 3 on the role of conflict in relationships.

We sat down with one of UCEBT's couples specialists, Dr. Stephanie Taylor, to ask about conflict in relationships. What's it all about? Why is it important? How can it be managed? Read along in part 1 of this three part series to see what Dr. Taylor says about the role of conflict in relationships.

Dr. Taylor: I would like to get started with a couple of disclaimers about this. I'll just be going over a couple of things based on the Gottman method. But this is not a substitute for couples therapy. And nothing that I talk about today is meant to be used in relationships where there are severe cases of infidelity or affairs happening, substance abuse, domestic violence. And in fact, most of the Gottman method isn't really used for these types of issues. 

So why the Gottman method? 

I like the fact that there is a lot of evidence that supports this approach. And I think the most interesting thing to me about this is it comes from John Gottman himself.

He's pulling through lots of different modalities, a lot of different research studies. But he also did his own research and then together with his wife, formed it into an actual therapy. 

I think my first introduction to the Gottman method was a long time ago reading a book by Malcolm Gladwell. It was called Blink. It introduced some crazy information about the research that John Gottman was doing. And I remember I had very little exposure to the field of psychology or even research and just being completely blown away by some of those stats.

So as I've gotten into things more professionally and wanting to work with couples, it was the Gottman method, 100%. I've always been fascinated with it. 

Gottman really did some crazy research. He did longitudinal research where he studied couples for decades. And then he did some pretty intense observational studies as well. His research lab was actually made to resemble a bed and breakfast. So he'd invite these couples to come in. There are cameras all over. Lots of different things were being measured, including physiologically looking at things in the camera like microexpressions, body language, even tonality of voice was being analyzed. And they were looking at not just how couples respond in everyday interactions, but also what it's like when there is conflict, when they are having these fights. And what they found and what they were really trying to understand is what creates a successful relationship as opposed to an unsuccessful relationship.

What are some the stats from Gottman’s research?

They actually found they were able to predict which couples would stay together and which couples would get a divorce with over 90% accuracy. That's enormous accuracy. And then even just after 15 minutes of observing a couple interacting typically over an area of continued disagreement, they could predict if that relationship would last with 85% accuracy. And then, of course, with the longitudinal piece following these couples around for more than a decade, they could not only predict if, but when a couple would get divorced. So obviously, someone who's interested in evidence-based treatments and the research behind everything that I do, I was just blown away by these numbers. 

What are the predictors that go into successful versus unsuccessful relationships?

They found two key components of what they shifted their research towards. The first one is “positivity ratio”, and then the second one is the “Four Horsemen”. I'm going to break these down. The positivity ratio is the amount of positivity versus negativity that goes into these.

So positivity could be asking about interest, asking questions, being empathetic, showing affection. Negativity would be criticism, hostility, anger, the amount of hurt feelings happening and interactions. 

What they found was that in successful relationships when there was a conflict, there was a 5 to 1 positive to negative ratio. And so basically, if you do something that hurts your partner's feelings, then you have to make up for it with five positive things. And I think you can see that equation is not at all balanced. So the negativity carries a lot more weight; it has a lot more ability to inflict damage and pain, and the positive things have to sort of heal or bring a couple closer together. 

What about the couples whose relationships ended so unsuccessfully? Those couples had a 0.8 to 1 positive to negative. So we've got slightly more negativity with couples who were headed towards divorce or breakup. This is with couples who are in conflict. They were curious about what that looks like just in everyday interaction. 

Remember, John Gottman had this elaborate lab, you know, bed and breakfast couples are just doing couple of things. And they noticed that in those successful relationships, there was a 20 to 1 positive to negative ratio just in everyday interaction. They were able to create this enormously rich climate of warmth and humor, affection, attention, intimacy, empathy, fun. I mean, there were some very clear differences in how these couples are interacting, not engaged in conflict. 

Read on for Part 2 of 3 on the role of conflict in relationships.